That's Just About Right
by silvershadeus
Summary: The sequel to Surrender


Erm...here's the sequel to "Surrender" I was talking about earlier. Tatsumi was a bit of a pain to write this time around, and I'm not sure if he's entirely in character, but this is the way I see him. ^^;;

I've decided to make this a multi-part fic. Just to be horribly cruel to the muses that reside in the empty space that is my skull who thought the pain was over. So...yes. _

~ silvershadeus ~

Warning: Mild spoilers for the first part of volume four of the manga towards the end. 

Disclaimer: I do not own _Yami no Matsuei_, I'm just borrowing the characters for a little while. 

  
  
  
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**That's Just About Right - Part 1**  
  
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Your blue might be gray, your less might be more  
Your window to the world might be your own front door  
Your shiniest day might come in the middle of the night  
That's just about right 

  
~ _That's Just About Right_ ~ Blackhawk

  
"Tsuzuki, have you seen Watari? He's not in his lab."  
  
Glancing up at Tatsumi's question, Tsuzuki shared a look with his partner before answering. It hadn't taken as long as he'd thought it would for Tatsumi to notice that Watari was not to be found anywhere in the office. Tsuzuki knew why of course, but he wasn't allowed to tell Tatsumi. The fact that Hisoka had promised to buy him his favorite cake in return for his silence made keeping his word a little easier. Not that he liked withholding the truth from Tatsumi of course, but the end result would be more than worth the small deception. Or so he told himself. Hisoka obviously knew he was uncomfortable with the situation, judging from the look he'd been given. Weighing the pros and cons of keeping his word, Tsuzuki made his decision.  
  
Shuffling the unopened files around on his desk in an attempt to make it appear as if he had been working diligently, Tsuzuki looked up at Tatsumi with a slightly puzzled expression.  
  
"Ehhh? He's not? Did you check the break room?"  
  
But really, what kind of decision was it when _cake_ was involved? Especially if Hisoka was going to be there to share it with him...  
  
Watching the older men, the corner of Hisoka's lips curved upwards ever so slightly. Tatsumi looked...well, frazzled would have been the best word to describe him at that moment.   
  
Oh, certainly not to the unobservant eye of course. Tatsumi had a way of looking perfectly presentable even while in the midst of a crisis. Not a hair out of place, glasses perfectly straight. Tie knotted _just_ so and in place. Not a speck of lint to be found anywhere on his suit jacket. The very image of a respectable businessman.   
  
It was only when you took the time to look past the image that you saw it. The slight narrowing of his eyes. The barest hint of a frown on his face, so slight you might mistake it for something else. The way his eyes wouldn't meet Tsuzuki's for more than a handful of seconds at a time. If even that.   
  
"No...he's not there either. Have you seen him, Hisoka?"  
  
Expecting the question, Hisoka tipped his head to the side thoughtfully. He could feel Tatsumi watching him, all but willing him to supply a suitable answer. He also felt that Tatsumi would not be satisfied with 'I haven't seen him either.' He had that look in his eyes. The one that said he was fast coming to the edge of his patience. Which was amazing considering that it was Tatsumi.   
  
"No...I don't think he came in today. Come to think of it, I don't think he came in yesterday either..."   
  
Only someone who Tatsumi as well as Tsuzuki and Hisoka did would have noticed the look of surprise tinged with worry in Tatsumi's eyes just then. Even so, it was hard to spot.   
  
"He didn't?"  
  
Hisoka shook his head and turned a questioning look to his partner.  
  
"Did you see him yesterday, Tsuzuki?"  
  
Tsuzuki shook his head as he started to dig through the files on his desk in search of something. Tatsumi watched for a few moments as Tsuzuki flipped through several folders, a small frown creasing his forehead.   
  
"Hisoka, do you know where - " Tsuzuki broke off as he looked up to see Hisoka holding a folder, a small smile gracing his lips.  
  
"Is this the one you were looking for?" He asked, eyes flicking to Tatsumi briefly. The older man didn't seem to notice.  
  
Tsuzuki nodded and reached out to take the proffered folder. Tatsumi didn't seem to notice that either.   
  
"Ah, that's the one. Thank you Hisoka."   
  
His smile widening a fraction, Hisoka handed the file over, reflecting that having Tsuzuki smile at him like that was a reward in and of itself. Settling back in his chair he watched Tatsumi from the corner of his eye. Idly he wondered how long it would take before the older man realized he was just _standing_ there.   
  
"Five minutes."  
  
Blinking, Hisoka looked over at Tsuzuki.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Until four o' clock. Five minutes until four." Tsuzuki said brightly, offering Hisoka a smile that would have put the sun to shame. "What did you think I was talking about?"  
  
Hisoka considered his reply carefully before answering. Tsuzuki's purely innocent smile was beginning to shift more towards the one that usually left him feeling on edge. The one Tsuzuki used before suggesting something completely and utterly ridiculous. The one he used when he was about to do something only he could away with. The one he used when he -   
  
"What are you smiling about?" Hisoka snapped, eyes narrowing. "You need to finish that report for last week's case. I'm not staying late to keep you company."  
  
Trying to ignore the wounded look Tsuzuki gave him, Hisoka grabbed a file off the stack on his desk and started reading. There were times when he gave as good as he got with Tsuzuki's gentle teasing, and then there were times when he was too flustered to think straight. Times when he found himself wishing he wasn't so socially inept. Times when he wondered just why Tsuzuki went to so much trouble to draw him out the way he did. Times when he wondered why Tsuzuki affected him so much.  
  
"Hisoka you're so mean!" Tsuzuki wailed, drooping a little. "I just wanted to know what you were thinking."   
  
Peering at Tsuzuki over the top of his folder, Hisoka raised an eyebrow at that. If it hadn't been for the fact that he knew all of Tsuzuki's tricks, he might very well have fallen for his 'poor pitiful me' act. As it was, it was incredibly difficult to resist the power of his pout. Thankfully, he had practice at it.  
  
"You really want to know what I'm thinking?" Hisoka asked; smiling to himself as Tsuzuki nodded eagerly. "Really?"  
  
Tsuzuki nodded again, leaning forward in his chair as he caught the slight twitching at the corner of Hisoka's mouth  
  
"I really, really do, Hisoka. Really!"  
  
Setting his folder aside, Hisoka leaned back in his chair studying Tsuzuki with a thoughtful expression. If he'd ever had reason to doubt the older man's sincerity or intentions towards him, this was not one of those times. One didn't need to be an empath to read the emotions playing over Tsuzuki's face and in his eyes at that moment. What to about them however...that was proving to be the difficult part.   
  
"What I'm thinking at this moment is..." Hisoka trailed off, glancing sidelong at Tatsumi. He frowned as he realized that the other Shinigami didn't seem to be aware of the utter lack of productivity going on right under his nose. Very strange that. Tatsumi was usually a stickler for things like that. Especially where Tsuzuki was concerned.   
  
"Yes, yes?"   
  
Green slid to violet as Tsuzuki's caught Hisoka's attention, all puppy dog eyes and childish excitement. Funny how easy it was to underestimate Tsuzuki when he was like that. Funny how no one really bothered to wonder why.   
  
"What I'm thinking at this moment is that you should stop wasting time and finish your reports! They should have been finished _last_ week; you can't keep putting them off you know." Hisoka said, adding a pointed look for emphasis. 

Tsuzuki stared at him uncomprehending. That had hardly been the answer he was hoping for. As for the answer he'd expected...  
  
"Ehhh?"  
  
"I mean it, Tsuzuki." The threat of 'I'm not going to buy you that cake if you don't' might have gone unspoken, but it certainly didn't go unheeded.   
  
Giving Hisoka another wounded look, Tsuzuki picked the folder Hisoka had handed him and reluctantly and set to work. Watching to make sure he was actually working, Hisoka glanced over at Tatsumi...who was still standing beside their desks lost in thought. It made for an interesting sight at the very least. At the most...well, it was a bit disconcerting to see Tatsumi like that. The faint, almost desperate scribbling across from him told him that Tsuzuki showed that he was busy jotting down notes as he read through the file, completely engrossed in what he was doing. It was amazing what he could accomplish when he set his mind to it. Funny how he never seemed d to do that unless it was a matter of life or death. More often than not he only seemed to do so when it was a matter of dessert or no dessert.   
  
"If you're worried about Watari maybe you should go check on him, Tatsumi. The day's almost over, and I'm sure anything that comes up can wait until tomorrow." Hisoka pointed out as he began organizing the folders on his desk into neat piles.   
  
He made certain not to make eye contact with Tatsumi as he spoke. He wasn't quite that good of an actor to try his skills on Tatsumi. The older man appeared to have an innate ability to sense when someone was lying to him. Or perhaps it was simply his very presence that somehow made lying to him an unpleasant prospect.   
  
"You've been working late the past few days, haven't you?"  
  
Hisoka didn't need to look up to know the effect his words had on Tatsumi. There were times that being an empath was worth the trouble it had caused him in the past. And...as he knew, 'gifts' like his always came with some sort of price tag attached to it. He'd managed to startle Tatsumi out of his reverie, and...was that a hint of guilt seeping in? Along with a sharp spike of concern?   
  
"Tatsumi? Are you all right?"  
  
Shaking his head, Tatsumi smiled weakly at Hisoka, obviously distracted.  
  
"Ah, I'm fine, Hisoka. Thank you for asking. And thank you for being so helpful." He added, gesturing to Tsuzuki who was still making notes for his report. "I don't think I've seen him work like that for a long time."  
  
Not quite sure how to take the offhand compliment, Hisoka nodded. Apparently the rumors were true. Tatsumi didn't miss a thing...well, for the most part. Everyone had blind spots. Even someone like Tatsumi. It was what made them human, or as close to it as they could get at any rate.   
  
"I have paperwork of my own to see to. Thank you again for your help." Tatsumi said, offering Hisoka another small smile as he turned to go.   
  
"It was no problem." He muttered, eyes narrowing slightly as took in the older man's body language as he walked away.  
  
Back and shoulders rigidly straight - even for Tatsumi. A certain awkward stiffness in his gait that indicated -   
  
"Ten minutes."   
  
Shooting Tsuzuki a glare as the older man looked up from his notes, Hisoka shoved a stack of folders on his desk aside in order to see him better. Tsuzuki smiled back cheerfully, completely unaware of the fact that he had ink smudged on his cheek. Hisoka chose not to enlighten him about that little fact at the moment. Oh it was petty of him, to be certain, but...   
  
"_Now_ what are you talking about?"  
  
"Until Tatsumi decides to go check on Watari. Ten minutes until Tatsumi decides to go check on Watari." Tsuzuki clarified, smiling sweetly at Hisoka. "What did you think I was talking about?"  
  
Eyes narrowing, Hisoka regarded the open smile on his partner's face closely. He had known longer than any of the others aside from Chief Konoe, so he would know best, but..._he_ was an empath. He could feel the tangle of emotions in Tatsumi, could feel them loosen and untangle with each passing moment.   
  
"I'd say more like seven, and you have ink on your face."

  
  
  
**********  


  
  
Closing the door to his office, Tatsumi walked to his desk and sat down in his chair. Part of him was vaguely aware that he was operating on autopilot. The rest was trying to assimilate what he'd just been told.   
  
What reason could Watari possibly have for not coming to work? The man was nearly inseparable from his lab - no, from his 'work'. He spent most of his spare time in his lab attempting to create _that_ potion. Heaven only knew why he wanted such a thing; Tatsumi had certainly never been able to get a straight answer out of him. He always responded with a cheery smile and a glib reply. Or worse, he'd say something that would leave Tatsumi speechless.   
  
Funny the way only Watari could do that to him time and again.   
  
Frowning, he couldn't help but glance at the wall clock beside the door to his office. A little over an hour and a half left before the end of the day. It couldn't possibly hurt to leave early, just this once. He'd spent the last week working late in order to organize the department's expense receipts for Accounting on top of his usual workload. In fact, he doubted that he'd taken notice of much else that week. There simply hadn't been time.   
  
And that was where the guilt came in.  
  
He'd paid so little attention to anything other than his work that Watari's absence had gone unnoticed by him for the past two days... Perhaps even longer, Tatsumi realized with a sinking feeling. He honestly couldn't remember if he'd last met Watari for dinner on Monday or Tuesday. And perhaps that was what bothered him most. The fact that he couldn't remember. He remembered everything.   
  
The two of them had taken to seeing that the other ate at least once meal a day from the moment they recognized a kindred spirit in each other. It was a way of keeping each other from delving too deeply into their respective work and losing touch with the world outside the office. Professional courtesy had only been a small part of that agreement, friendship a larger part. And recently...  
  
So then why hadn't he noticed? Was his work that important to him? Did it really mean so much to him that he had failed to notice Watari's absence? Looking over at the clock again, he was beginning to think maybe it was...and that was not something he liked to think about.   
  
There were things that were far more important than making sure the numbers added up. More important things than making sure the office memos had been sent out. More important things than making sure the office was running smoothly and efficiently.   
  
Infinitely more important things.  
  
He knew that of course. Had known it all his life. It was the having to decide which things were more important that was the difficult part. To know what constituted a valid reason. To know when to act, and when to stand back and let things take their natural course. To know when...  
  
Another glance at the clock, and he made his choice. Sometimes it was easier to decide what was more important. 

  
**********  


"Did I get it?"  
  
Trying not to smile, Hisoka shook his head and watched as Tsuzuki swiped at the ink on his face. So far he had only managed to smear it across the bridge of his nose and the cuff of his shirt.  
  
"No, you're just making it worse. Go take a look in the bathroom mirror. I don't think my telling you is going to help matters any."  
  
Tsuzuki frowned, wiping furiously at his cheeks as though the very thought of using a mirror over Hisoka was abhorrent to him. For some reason Hisoka found that to be very...well...odd. And entirely like Tsuzuki. Not very logical or practical, but somehow...appealing.  
  
"Look, Tsuzuki. You've been trying to wipe the ink off your face for five minutes now...it's not going to hurt to go look in a mirror, is it?"  
  
"But Hisoka..." Tsuzuki trailed off, looking away from his partner. There were some things that couldn't quite be put into words.   
  
It might seem trivial to Hisoka, but not everyone would have pointed out that he'd had ink smudged on his face in the first place. Even if he did suspect that Hisoka had known about it long before he'd told him. There'd been something of that in his eyes when he had pointed it out to him.  
  
They would have let it pass either to keep from embarrassing him or out of some odd inner debate. Sometimes the rules of polite society made people refrain from pointing out things like that. A sort of unspoken rule. One out of many, of course. Polite society was weighted down with unspoken agreements. It was enough to make a sane man wonder at the need for so many potential pitfalls. At all the hidden snares waiting to catch the unawares.   
  
Oh, people would most certainly stare, and there were some that might even laugh quietly to themselves over it, but how many would tell him _why_? And how many would then spend their time trying to - 

Wrinkling his nose as he realized just how odd his reasoning sounded even to himself Tsuzuki drummed his fingers on his desk trying to finds the words to explain it. He knew Hisoka was waiting for some kind of rationalization but none that he came up would have made sense to him. Or most likely would have embarrassed him, which he most certainly did not want to do at the moment.   
  
"Well?" Hisoka prompted.  
  
"It's hard to explain..." Tsuzuki said, moving files around on his desk restlessly. "I'm not sure I can explain it really."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Hisoka leaned forward until he and Tsuzuki were eye to eye.   
  
"Then don't. Hold still and I'll get it for you."   
  
Blinking in surprise, Tsuzuki did as he was asked. Hisoka's touch was light, and oddly familiar in a way that puzzled him. Hisoka was not someone that encouraged close contact of any sort. His empathy prevented it, as did other...memories. So to have him voluntarily touching him for something seemingly so insignificant as a blotch of ink on his face...  
  
"There. I still don't see why you wouldn't just go look in a mirror." Hisoka muttered, giving Tsuzuki one of his habitual glares.  
  
Smiling happily, Tsuzuki doubted Hisoka would appreciate his explanation at the moment. More than likely he'd just get angry. Or embarrassed and _then_ angry. Or maybe he'd - Blinking as he realized Hisoka was no longer looking at him, Tsuzuki smiled to himself. For all the times the two of them didn't seem to understand the other, there were times when they did without understanding why, exactly. Times when it was enough to know.  
  
"Ah...thank you, Hisoka."  
  
Smiling at Hisoka's mumbled acknowledgement, Tsuzuki read through his notes. Frowning at something he'd written earlier, he was trying to determine just what it was he'd meant by it when the door to Tatsumi's office opened. Looking up he met Hisoka's gaze. There was an almost...smug...look in them that surprised Tsuzuki. Seeing his surprise, Hisoka glanced at the wall clock knowing that Tsuzuki would do the same.   
  
"Seven minutes."   
  
Watching as Tatsumi walked past them without so much as greeting or otherwise acknowledging them, Tsuzuki had to smile.   
  
"Ah...but does it matter who was right this time?"  
  
Hisoka stared at him for a long moment, caught between surprise and something else very much akin to irritation. Whether it was at himself or Tsuzuki, he wasn't quite sure.

Tsuzuki was right, of course. It didn't matter which one of them was right so long as Tatsumi went to check on Watari, but...  
  
"You're just saying that because you were wrong."

Eyes widening, Tsuzuki gave Hisoka a patented hurt look, his lower lip trembling just enough to be pitiable, but not so much as to be obviously faked.   
  
"Hisoka...you're so mean! How can you say that?"  
  
Snorting, Hisoka shook his head and picked a file off the top of his inbox.   
  
"Because it's the truth. Now get back to work."  
  
Making pitiful sniffling sounds, Tsuzuki did as he was told. Of course, that didn't stop him form hiding his smile behind an open folder, just as Hisoka was. 

  
**********  
  


  
Tatsumi stared at the door to Watari's apartment, not quite certain what he was doing there. He'd been at it for several minutes and had the vague feeling that perhaps he should make an effort to reach out and ring the doorbell...or at the very least knock. There was no point in simply standing in the hallway of an apartment building for all intents and purposes admiring the subtle wood grain pattern in a door. Though it was quite soothing, the way the -   
  
Without warning the door opened, and behind it was Watari. It quickly became obvious that he was paying more attention to a ragged looking slip of paper in his hand than on what he was doing or where he was going as he nearly ran into Tatsumi. Only a hasty step backwards on Tatsumi's part kept the two of them from colliding, and even then Watari didn't seem exactly aware of what had almost happened.   
  
"Tatsumi? What are you doing here?"  
  
Blinking, Tatsumi took in the puzzled expression on Watari's face and opened his mouth to say something - and couldn't think of a thing to say. There was no work-related explanation for him being at Watari's apartment at that time of day. By all rights, he should still be at work in his office poring over paperwork. There wasn't even the excuse of needing Watari's unique blend of skills to assist in a case with. None of the cases currently being investigated required any scientific testing or access to the truly unusual blend of knowledge Watari possessed. And he could hardly claim to have gone to Watari's apartment to complain about excessive spending in regards to damaged or destroyed lab equipment as there had been no explosions from that quarter for quite some time. 

Strange as that sounded.   
  
With no official reason for being there, Tatsumi was left... floundering would be the best way to describe it. He'd never been very good at expressing his emotions. Indeed, he was extremely talented at hiding them, or ignoring them altogether...if he tried hard enough. Which he invariably did.  
  
He didn't try to delude himself into thinking that doing so wasn't one of his greatest failings...but just because he knew such a thing did not make it easy to stop. It was like any other bad habit and there was no such thing as a twelve-step program to help with something like that.   
  
He also knew keeping his emotions and personal desires to himself had caused misunderstandings and hurt feelings in the past, but he didn't know any other way to be. He'd been that way for so long, and it was safer that way. For himself, and others. He couldn't hurt anyone if he didn't tell them how he felt, and he certainly couldn't hurt himself. Not anymore than was normal for him at any rate.  
  
And that was when he'd met Watari. Quietly making his presence known in the way only he could. A friendly smile in passing. A cheerful grin over a cup of tea in the break room. Gushing over some new invention he'd thought up in the chaos that served as his mind. Showing said invention off with the same amount of pride the parent of a child who was a straight 'A' student would have. Slipping him notes that warned him not to drink the tea or coffee in the break room that had been..._altered_. Sharing an understanding when it came to Tsuzuki and Hisoka.   
  
For all that their personalities appeared to be so wildly different, Tatsumi had been surprised to realize that they really weren't. They both treasured many of the same values and beliefs. They both understood that some things in life - some people - were more important than others. And most importantly of all, they understood each other in all the little ways that counted. The ways that mattered most.  
  
Knowing why Watari tried so hard to create a gender-changing potion was hardly more important than knowing it was one of his greatest ambitions. Tatsumi didn't need to understand _why_ when he knew what it meant to Watari. And that was probably the most important thing to keep in mind. With anything.  
  
But at the same time... When he felt as though he might accidentally let slip more than he was willing to sacrifice Tatsumi made sure to keep tight rein on the words that passed his lips. He'd learned a long time ago that for the most part his brain was smarter than his heart. Which might have been why he was so surprised at what he said in reply to Watari's question.  
  
"I was worried about you."  
  
Then again there were times when his heart was smarter than his brain. When it was better to feel than it was to think. When logic and practicality failed and faith and belief were the only things that bothered to make any sense. When it made sense to listen to what Watari had been telling him from the very first moment they met. That is was okay to feel. That there was no right or wrong when it came to emotions, they were what they were. Nothing more, nothing less.   
  
This time Watari was the one to blink.   
  
"You were? Why?"  
  
_I was worried because you weren't at work the last two days. Because I've never known you to do that. Because you look as though you haven't slept or so much as eaten in as much time. I was worried because I _care_._  
  
Those thoughts and a million others like them passed through Tatsumi's mind, but only one of them had any relevance. Only one out of countless others made any sense to him.  
  
"I was worried because you're important to me, Watari. Because I care."  
  
It cost him to admit that, but only a little. It was easier to say that he cared because Watari already knew that he did. Indeed, Watari had always known, it seemed. Even if he hadn't always been sure of it. He was strange that way.  
  
Watari smiled, shifting his weight to lean against the doorframe, one foot crossed in front of the other.   
  
"Really?"  
  
It might have been his imagination, but Tatsumi could have sworn that that Watari was laughing at him in that way of his. The one that left you wondering if you'd only imagined it, or if it had been real. The way that didn't make you feel less than you were, but left you smiling at your own foolishness.  
  
"Ah. You weren't at work the past few days, so I thought that perhaps I should see how you were doing..."   
  
Watari's smile widened.  
  
"Tatsumi, did you forget what week it is? I'm on vacation for the next eight days."  
  
Of all the potential scenarios that had crossed Tatsumi's mind that afternoon, _that_ had certainly not been one of them. An illness of some sort perhaps. Possibly some kind of mishap with his experimentation. Certainly not something like that.   
  
"You...are?"  
  
Some of his confusion must have shown on his face - there was no other reason for the concerned look Watari gave him.   
  
"You look like you could do with a cup of tea, Tatsumi. Why don't you come in?" Watari asked, stepping aside to allow the other man entrance into his apartment.  
  
Tatsumi hesitated, eyes flicking from Watari to the inviting familiarity of his apartment. While it would feel so good to sit down and sort out his thoughts with a cup of tea and Watari's presence, he couldn't simply impose on the man. And he had been about to leave when he had nearly run into him.   
  
"But weren't you going somewhere, Watari? I can always come back later - "  
  
Sighing, Watari reached out to gently take hold of Tatsumi's arm. Pulling the other man into his apartment, Watari steered him towards his living room couch.  
  
"It's nothing that can't wait until later, Tatsumi. And you really do look like you could do with some downtime."   
  
The smile he gave Tatsumi was a familiar one - part fond exasperation, part amusement and part...something else. It seemed that he was earning more and more of those from Watari lately, and he wasn't so sure that it was a bad thing exactly.  
  
"Sit down, Tatsumi. I'll go make tea and then we can talk."   
  
Tatsumi sat and tried not to fret too obviously. Judging from the way Watari was watching him; he wasn't being all that successful. He tried to put what he was feeling - equal parts confusion, guilt and relief - into words, but found that he couldn't. Partly due to the fact that he should have remembered that Watari had finally decided to put some of his vacation days to good use, and he hadn't. Partly due to the fact that he was relieved that he had forgotten that - it was vastly preferable to thinking something had happened to Watari. Partly due to the fact that he still felt immeasurably guilty for letting work take over his life - even for a few days. Nothing was that important.   
  
Seeing the expression on Tatsumi's face, Watari decided that the tea could wait a little longer.  
  
"Tatsumi...are you all right? You seem wound up about something."   
  
Tatsumi smiled wryly, reaching into his pocket for a handkerchief. Removing his glasses he wiped the lenses absently as he tried to put order to the current jumbled mess of his thoughts. He hadn't felt this way for...well, for a very long time. He was certain of that much. Part of him wondered if he should hold Watari responsible for that. He didn't like feeling that way. Out of control, and swayed by his emotions.   
  
"It's not so bad, really. You get used to it after a while." Watari said, sitting next to him. He made sure to give Tatsumi the space he seemed to want at the moment. "You just need to learn the difference between letting your emotions control you and controlling your emotions. Listening to what they're trying to tell you."  
  
Tatsumi stared at Watari, hoping against hope that he hadn't been stupid or foolish enough to say that last out loud.  
  
Watari grinned, leaning back into the couch cushions.  
  
"You have this habit of talking to yourself when you're really tired or under a lot of stress did you know that? It's kind of cute."  
  
Tatsumi blinked, glasses halfway to his face. He hadn't known that he talked to himself. In fact...it was fairly disconcerting that he hadn't noticed that before. Just more proof of a lapse in control on his part.   
  
"Tatsumi, you've been working hard this week haven't you? Tsuzuki told me that the only times you remember to eat are when he drags you from your office."  
  
Tatsumi tried not to be affected by the reproach in Watari's voice, but it was hard. For some reason he didn't quite understand Watari had always made him feel like a small child before a school principal. Worried - terrified - that he'd done something wrong and unsure of what it was, but putting up a brave front to show he wasn't.   
  
"Ah. The annual expense reports were due." He said by way of explanation.   
  
Watari sighed again and glanced at him with a speculative look in his eyes.  
  
"You haven't been sleeping much either have you?"  
  
Tatsumi just gave him a look. To anyone who knew him as well as Watari did it spoke volumes.  
  
"I thought not."  
  
Silence reigned between them for a short time, long enough to make Tatsumi feel slightly uncomfortable. For his part Watari seemed perfectly at ease, tapping his thumb against the arm of the couch in time to some inner beat.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
The words were so softly spoken that for a moment Watari wasn't sure he'd actually heard them. Turning to look at Tatsumi, Watari tipped his head to the side curiously. Tatsumi was staring at his hands, doing his best to avoid Watari's eyes. He had a good idea what Tatsumi was apologizing for, but he knew that it was important for Tatsumi to explain himself. Whether as a way of rationalizing his actions to himself, or to seek some kind of forgiveness, he wasn't sure. He doubted even Tatsumi understood.  
  
"What for?"  
  
Interlacing his fingers, Tatsumi frowned at the pattern of flesh and bone and skin they made against the dark fabric of his pants. Much safer to look at than Watari at the moment.  
  
"I'm sorry for letting work get in the way of our relationship. For forgetting that you were on vacation. For not noticing you were gone the past few days. I'm sorry that I forgot what was more important. That's what I'm sorry for, Watari."  
  
Watching him, Watari had the oddest feeling that Tatsumi didn't expect to be forgiven. Almost as though he didn't want to be forgiven. As though he felt he didn't deserve to. Which was absolutely ridiculous. It would be best if he made sure Tatsumi understood that as soon as possible. It would lead to less self-recrimination on Tatsumi's part at the very least. And of course he had to be careful with his phrasing, otherwise it might be seen as an attack or condemnation.  
  
"Tatsumi, you can be such an idiot sometimes."  
  
Smirking to himself as Tatsumi visibly flinched, Watari leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.   
  
"Do you want to know why I said that?"   
  
Tatsumi nodded slightly, still avoiding Watari's eyes. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he knew he simply couldn't _ not_ know. It would eat at him for days if he didn't.  
  
"You're always so worried about everyone else that you feel awful whenever you get caught up in your own things. I know how important work is to you Tatsumi, and I know how it rates compared to the people in your life. I also know how easy it is to lose track of time when you're working on something. Believe me I know." Watari said with a self-deprecating laugh. "But there's something else you forget, Tatsumi. It's not the end of the world if you lose sight of things for a little while, you know."  
  
Tatsumi shifted uncomfortably; a little unsure of how he was supposed to respond to that. Watari was right of course. It really wasn't the end of the world, but it had certainly felt as though it was.   
  
"It's okay, Tatsumi. Everyone does that once in a while. It's normal. It's human. I'd be worried if you didn't do that, in fact."  
  
Tatsumi still wasn't convinced, but if Watari understood, maybe ht was all that really mattered.   
"I'm still sorry though. I shouldn't have let something like work take over my life the way it did."  
  
Smiling, Watari reached over to hold Tatsumi's hands in his own. Rubbing the knuckles of one tightly clasped hand with his thumb, he leaned into Tatsumi's shoulder.  
  
"The paperwork's done isn't it? You've taken care of everything at the office?" Watari asked, settling himself against the other man's side comfortably.  
  
Frowning at the top of Watari's head Tatsumi nodded.  
  
"Ah. Everything's taken care of."  
  
The expense report was finished and his usual responsibilities were taken care of. While Watari hadn't forgiven him, if indeed there was anything to forgive, he'd understood. Which to his way of thinking was something far more important.   
  
"Good. Now all you have to do is get packed and we can leave in the morning."  
  
Tatsumi blinked.  
  
"Pardon me?"  
  
There was no possible way that he'd heard that correctly.   
  
Watari sat up and turned to look at him grinning widely. There was a hint of mischief in his eyes that Tatsumi had long ago learned to be wary of. If only for the sake of self-preservation.  
  
"Didn't I mention? You have the next eight days off too. I arranged it with Chief Konoe yesterday. We agreed that you've been working hard to get the expense report done and that you more than deserved a little vacation for your efforts."  
  
Tatsumi stared at him, once again at a loss as to what to say.  
  
Watari's smile gentled in understanding.   
  
"It's just that you do so much around the office that no one ever thanks you for, and I wanted to do something special for you. And don't say you don't deserve it because that's just not true. You do deserve it, Tatsumi."  
  
Smiling a little, Tatsumi shook his head. Watari had done that for him? Arranged an unexpected vacation and -   
  
"Tsuzuki and Hisoka?" He asked, knowing what the answer would be. After all, he knew how Watari's mind worked almost as well as he did his own.

"They helped of course. I asked them to keep an eye on you and make sure you didn't forget to take care of yourself while I made reservations and arranged things for our vacation."  
  
There was something in the way Watari said 'our' that left Tatsumi feeling a little amazed. He'd never really expected something like that, to be part of a whole the way he was with Watari. There was just something so very right about it that... Words failed to describe it, but he knew it for what it was. And that was more than enough for him.  
  
Settling back into the couch cushions, Tatsumi watched Watari with a small smile on his face.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
Eyes lighting up with excitement, Watari snuggled up against him like a contented kitten.   
  
"Well...I thought that it would be nice if we went back to that lodge we stayed at in Hokkaido for the company trip." Watari paused as something occurred to him. "You had a good time there, didn't you? I mean before everything with the Queen of Snow and all that."   
  
Smiling at the way Watari wrinkled his nose in distaste at the memory, Tatsumi nodded. It had been a rather nice vacation. The hot springs alone had been worth it...  
  
"Ah. I did. But you didn't choose that place out of some ulterior motive, did you?"  
  
Watari laughed nervously, not liking the knowing little smile Tatsumi directed at him.   
  
"I'm not sure what you're talking about, Tatsumi. If you don't want to go, just say so. We can find somewhere else - "  
  
Tatsumi's smile widened as he wrapped an arm around Watari's shoulders. As he'd thought. Watari was quite sneaky that way.  
  
"No, it's all right, Watari. This is a vacation for both of us, isn't it? You should get to eat whatever you want. And how much as well, I suppose."   
  
Watari laughed quietly, not even bothering to deny his reasons for choosing to vacation in Hokkaido.   
  
"Ah. Maybe we can sing Karaoke again."  
  
Tatsumi smiled at that.  
  
"Maybe we can."

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TBC...^^;;

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End file.
